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notice a trend?


yesterday I was sick. Well, starting night before last, really. Stayed up all night working on shit:
you might have already known about this, but man... it makes life a happier
beast! I'd been using pkg_deinstall from time to time, and ignoring
uninstalling stuff when it was a pain.

portupgrade just rocks. :)

of course, after that miraculously worked for linux-base to go from 6.2 to
7.1 (it being based on redhat) and that giving me the proper libraries for
blackdown's 1.4.1 *release* jvm/jdk, I portupgraded portupgrade and
summarily lost all package ability. :/

trying to install the latest ruby, as the error has something to do with
ruby, though it well could just be complaining about a script written IN


newer version of ruby is giving me a different error (complaining about
the format of the pkgtools.conf, which portsclean (what I *really* wanted
to run) will let you ignore) and it *seems* to be cleaning so long as
I ignore the (now-broken?) pkgtools.conf

la la la.

hmm. getting lost. now a key ruby "library" is missing. not *too* key.
but. it used to exist. locate remembers it. but it's not really there.
ghost, it is. looking for another copy. :)

la la la la la.

a search on google for: undefined method nil pkgtools.conf

returned 1 result. which had, maybe, enough of an answer (trying now).

that might have worked. (commenting out one line)


lots of pkgdb -F and pkgdb -F -O and a couple of pkg_deinstalls later,
I'm now doing the wholly moronic: portupgrade -a

that's everything.

wish me (and the server) luck?

poor poor server.


the screen's looking all wavy, but I think that's just my eyes.

I shouldn't have been working on, went and took a miderm (that didn't count because I'm just auditing, but it's the ego of the thing) that I did very poorly on (partially because I couldn't think straight, but ... isn't that always the case with midterms, regardless of how deliriously sick I am? Yes, yes it is. I knew the concepts but couldn't do simple math. I misremembered exp as x^n as opposed to e^x, couldn't draw x^2+lx as l went from 0 to n positive and 0 to n negative. And I couldn't figure out the simple algebra of decomposing 1/(2^6n) so that it could look like 1/(x^n) so that I could put it in a simple geometric series and see what it summed to. fucknuts. to add insult to injury, the professor gave us all of the requisite formulas (that I'd *managed* to *remember*). Which left me with nothing but my broken mind.

Drove home (thankfully the helmed did good things to my sinuses and made me relatively more stable on my motorcycle), made it home... to the realization that stuff I'd done that night had totally broken stuff.

which wound up in this two hour email:

# I imagine this is the third e-mail today about this, but what the hell...
# I can't log into the web-mail. It keeps telling me that the login/pass
# don't match.
# Staff mail on the site is down as well:

didn't actually. sick as a, well, really sick thing.

should be fixed.

I'm to bed.

fucking FUCK. notfixed. fuck. Grr.

okay maybe now. :/


NO? This is bullshit. okay. really. fucking. bullshit.

oh, shit. maybe I know what's going on.

okay, that wasn't it either. what the hell?

time for a full reboot. I think I did too much damage. there's going to
be more after that, too.

fuck. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

oh fucking fuck. reboot doesn't seem to have helped. I don't know what
I'm doing. I got way too ballsy with the system last night. And I have
more planned, but I'm REALLY oozing out of my nose, not able to stand
straight, not able to look down... (#*$#*(&$^(*#&$^*&#

rebooting again because now I can't get into the box. which means it's
going to have to take forever to do filesystem checks. :/ hopefully
haven't added any NEW problems doing that. fuckityfuckityfuckfuckfuck!

okay. hour later. things might be under control now.

a slight explanation followed to someone else, but I can't find it. Maybe that was a dream.

I passed out and slept for close to 24 hours after that, have two really strange and oddly satisfying dreams. [saw old friends, that sort of thing]
I woke up in a really good mood.

But it went downhill steadily. I don't understand.

Sleep is blessed ignorance.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 12th, 2003 08:16 pm (UTC)
what class is that midterm for? certainly not "chaotic dynamics" ??
Mar. 12th, 2003 08:23 pm (UTC)
yup indeedy. all in all a simple test.

1. let f(x)=2x+1. what are the fixed points? what happens to orbits in the long run? sketch the graph together with a sample orbit.

2. based on the following graph, describe the behavior of orbit in segments (-inf,a),(a,b),(c,inf) [simple graph I'm not going to try to duplicate broken into some segments]

3. let fy(x) = x^2+yx. for which y, fy(x) has a neutral fixed point? does fy(x) undergo a bifurcation there? if so, which type?

4. in space signma, let x = (01...) and y = (001...). what is d(x,y)? what are possible values for d(shift(k,x),shift(k,y)) k>= 0?

5. a student input a number at random in his calculator. then he pressed the cos button several times. hitting cos over and over, he noticed it get stuck at a certain number. He returned his calculator to the store. should he get a refund? what if it were sin... exp... sqrt...?
Mar. 13th, 2003 12:28 am (UTC)
long time no speak oh great one. :P
sleep is definitly good. except when you wake up from it hoping that life is just a bad dream that will go away as soon as you really wake up. yeah. whoosh... sleep.. i should go get some of that... just felt like commenting. i am alive, despite the contents of my lj. ::hugs:: how's life been?
Mar. 13th, 2003 12:33 am (UTC)
:fwibble: unnah
alive is good, no matter how it seems at times.

life has been... well, the center of my depression seems to be a lack of job == lack of income -> an unpleasant instability of future. and a vague derision towards all my projects, and my ability to create in general.

but there are moments of happiness. a good hug. code that works. code that works even better than that. the little things. :)

Mar. 13th, 2003 11:52 am (UTC)
Re: :fwibble: unnah
that's good to hear. I haven't been around too long, but i can sure listen and try to help if you ever need someone to chit chat to. ::hugs backx2::
Mar. 13th, 2003 09:37 pm (UTC)
*big hug* i love you.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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