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I hate people?

I think I HATE PEOPLE must be my new rally cry, except it's more a cry of despair because I don't seem to be able to do anything about it. More and more trivial things are building up and really getting to me. They're not even really worth discussing beyond the fact that my mood continues to swing from bad to worse (with the occasional blip of happy)... and to think, just a couple of entries ago I was mindlessly ecstatic.

It's all chemicals. :/

I think right now the major thing bumming me out is my job status. I have one and a half unemployment checks left to receive. And then... pfft.

I seem to be stuck with chronic foot-in-mouth disease, though at least it's gotten so bad I'm stuck resorting to just mumbling what otherwise would really have the leg in there down to me knee at least by now.

Also some rather chronic indigestion at this point. It's been bothering me for... three weeks, now? Longer?

I still haven't touched coffee (the above is part of why I quit, aside from the distaste for the gaining addiction) since.

I've only missed one day of exercising with the kickboxing video, which isn't too bad. Should be taking breaks of some sort after it, anyway. I'm thoroughly unsatisfied with Amy's yoga tape--BOOOOOOOOOOORING new-age-feel-good crappiness. Can't convince myself to get a different one, though, at the moment--we'll see if I manage to stick with the kickboxing for longer than a month. It's been... five or six days? I think I need a bouncy floor to exercise on--my knees are killing me, and my quads tend to go numb about halfway through (really, with one particular exercise that I just can't do at this point, though I did it the first few times).

Exercising is somewhat interesting. Of course, I really shouldn't be trying to draw any sort of statistical significance from what I've done so far, but... watering down the tape in a few spots, I can pretty much make it through the entire 45 minutes with only half-minute breaks for water. My form breaks more than it used to seem to, towards the end, but that could be a) not taking five minute breaks and b) maybe it's just that my form as a whole is getting better. Or maybe I'm on crack. I really don't know. It's so easy to pull chunklets of hope from one's ass.

For a while my back was ubertense from the exercise, but it seems to have calmed down. [I really do need more stretching, though]. Now it's just my knees and quads. My knees don't feel right (pain in a bad way); I think that's from trying-not-to-shake-the-house while bouncing all over the place. Which might also be adding to my numb-quads issue. I don't know.

I don't know I don't know I don't know. I don't know shit.

I really should work on my writing. It would be nice to accomplish something. It would be really nice to accomplish something. But everything I do seems to wind up only being "almost", and beyond that a log function that will continue to asymptote to "almost" no matter how much effort I put in. :/

lj should keep track of how long it takes to write a post.

12 minutes.

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February 2016


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