quasi random (kaolinfire) wrote,
quasi random
kaolinfire

still overfuckingwhelmed

why am I such a whiner?

well, I suppose partially because the journal's here.

I woke up after enjoying a wonderful morning in bed (well... bad dreams... really nasty, the sort where you're not in control of anything but you're responsible for everything going wrong...) I wonder where that comes from. Hmm.

I just can't keep up with life lately and haven't for the last few months. What's happened?

DSL was installed yesterday. Was almost hell; at one point covad/pacbell was saying the line wouldn't support what I ordered.

It seems to be working... a little slower than I'd like, but okay. (480 downstream, 650 upstream, measured/estimated/whatnot)

I might be picking up another project related to nfg/core. why can't I say no?

WHY WHY WHY?

Why do I want to not say no, why do I want so strongly to hope that everything will work out with the new load even when it wasn't working with the old for precisely that same sort of problem?

Fucking groundless optimism.

I need to work on my todo list and ignore everything for a while. I think NFG comes first because I can't connect to work.

What bugs me about NFG is that I know it's all ... a mess on the inside. every project I do is a learning thing (as much as I'd like to think I had things figured out at any given point in time). I hate "adding functionality" to something that needs to be overhauled... in the end that will just be more data I have to convert to a new format. fuckit. fucknut. fuckadelic. but I don't have time to overhaul the stuff yet. and it would probably require another overhaul later.

learning, learning.
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