March 12th, 2003

2016, fenris + phoenix

welcome to another day of "I hate the world"

notice a trend?

la.

yesterday I was sick. Well, starting night before last, really. Stayed up all night Collapse ) I shouldn't have been working on, went and took a miderm (that didn't count because I'm just auditing, but it's the ego of the thing) that I did very poorly on (partially because I couldn't think straight, but ... isn't that always the case with midterms, regardless of how deliriously sick I am? Yes, yes it is. I knew the concepts but couldn't do simple math. I misremembered exp as x^n as opposed to e^x, couldn't draw x^2+lx as l went from 0 to n positive and 0 to n negative. And I couldn't figure out the simple algebra of decomposing 1/(2^6n) so that it could look like 1/(x^n) so that I could put it in a simple geometric series and see what it summed to. fucknuts. to add insult to injury, the professor gave us all of the requisite formulas (that I'd *managed* to *remember*). Which left me with nothing but my broken mind.

Drove home (thankfully the helmed did good things to my sinuses and made me relatively more stable on my motorcycle), made it home... to the realization that stuff I'd done that night had totally broken stuff.

which wound up in this two hour email:

Collapse )

a slight explanation followed to someone else, but I can't find it. Maybe that was a dream.

I passed out and slept for close to 24 hours after that, have two really strange and oddly satisfying dreams. [saw old friends, that sort of thing]
I woke up in a really good mood.

But it went downhill steadily. I don't understand.

Sleep is blessed ignorance.