October 30th, 2002

2016, fenris + phoenix

I killed something tonight.

My heart -- my heart is pounding, my fingers are shaking, I want to cry but I can't find that release. I've washed my hands thoroughly and I didn't even touch it -- touch it -- there are blood stains, I've washed the blood down the sink, off the hammer -- the hammer was the only thing I could think of to deal the blow... and the blow was so inept, I had to hit it again... and again... I was hitting it too softly, just barely splitting its skull and causing it unknowable agony.

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    nauseated