October 6th, 2002

2016, fenris + phoenix

just following up my coffee rant...

in conversation with a friend:

    Actually, I was just thinking about this about 15 minutes
    ago - I didn't have coffee today, and now I've got a headache. It COULD be
    a coincidence.. I GUESS... but... but the thing is, coffee isn't really
    'bad' for you, except in the sense that it makes you have to have it.
    It's not like smoking where you get lung cancer. You're not going to
    get... um... awake-cancer or something.

Awake-cancer -- that would be kinda cool. I don't like addictions, personally.
I do coffee every month or so, usually; maybe less. There are definitely bouts
where I'll have a couple mochas in a week or some such, but overall I'm not
much around it and it doesn't bother me.

I did a four waking day binge of coffee earlier this week that I've just
started to recover from.

I think the downside to coffee use, at least for me (beyond cost and
stigmatization), is that it tends to separate me from a) my emotions and b) my
connection to what I consider reality. It's a dissociative (I don't know if it
is "technically", but again, for me...)

While the rush of it feels amazing... it's a certain tone of amazing that
doesn't allow for much else -- almost a harsh white noise of amazing that
bubbles up from the belly/chest and into the top back of your brain where it
begins to SCREEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM "I'm mellllllllllllting" until you take another
sip or huddle in the corner shaking (yes, I'm exaggerating a bit).

I remember a series of pictures from a psych experiment done on spiders... they
were each given some substance and then allowed to spin a web. coffee, sugar,
and acid. the acid was a bit shaky, kinda deformed/saggy... the sugar was
fairly normal. the coffee was fucking all over the place, like picasso had
taken over the psyche of the poor little insect. pure insanity.

here's a related thing, not the one I remember... normal, marijuana,
benzedrine, coffee, and chloral hydrate:

or maybe it is what I'm thinking of and my memory has just changed it that much
in the five years since I heard of it.... hmm. maybe I just heard of it and
that explains my lack of memory on the details... here's another report of the

or here's some info; though the "cannabis" web is oddly missing, there is one
of hashish, one of LSD, and one of mescaline. and of course the classic


and here's some really nifty photoshoppery:

it's almost enough to get me off my ass and finding some webweaving spiders.