August 28th, 2001

2016, fenris + phoenix

(no subject)

found Kevin, Dave, Dave, Andrea, Christy? ... hung out for a few hours and then lost them at illuminaughty where I stopped for a picture that didn't come out any way. went back to camp to touch base. no one here. dude in wheelchair came by, low on power. figured out extension cords for him. he said someone said I was a fan of Hunter S. Thompson -- took me a bit to figure out the name he was saying -- he couldn't talk over a whisper. Dunno. I wonder if it was meant to be code. He stumbled awkwardly away to bed while his wheelchair recharged. *confusion*

Major headache. It's been on and off all day. getting worse. I don't think it's dehydration at this point -- I've been good. Maybe it's the altitude I'm still acllimating to. maybe I just need sleep. debating...
2016, fenris + phoenix

(no subject)

woke up; didn't really make it to sleep. people came back. grinding teeth against headache. had more water. iceblink made me miso soup which I drained. People wandered in and out, crowd sorta became stable, includeing birthday girl daniela. there was dancing and speaking; still going on as I write this though of course not by the time I transcribe it. :heh: insomnia's spinning, but I don't know what he's playing. random weird non-techno non-trance stuff; ginger candy coming round. supposedly there's a wasabi camp somewhere -- I'll have to track it down. mmm, wasabi!
2016, fenris + phoenix

(no subject)

went to bed around 3am, woke up around 10am. froze my ass off (while sweating copiously?) around 5am, I'd guess. went to look into why lj camp's mausoleum stamp hadn't arrived yet. found out the stamps haven't gone out, that they will be sometime today. picked up a passport. made a pouch to carry it, the events list, and the map in out of spare cloth (the prototype shirt I made way back went out of rayonish stuff), duct tape, and spare kite rope. I'm very glad I brought random building supplies. next time a sewing kit also. :) wound up volunteering for fence cleanup tomorrow 10am, then I went and helped out with the little maze -- AWESOME! excellent art AND engineering. It's supposed to take about 30 minutes to solve -- 3D! sliding rooms, rotating rooms, doors with al sorts of ingenious catches. :)

My scalp is itching like crazy and I can't believe the amount of sweating I'm doing. I'm actually doing a crash test on my skin. an hour or two yesterday with no burn. three hours today, starting to develop a tan. may go naked tomorrow, just to do it right. might do up info signs for the tent, to help answer people's questions.

losing thoughts -- it's taking some time to write this with colored pencils. maybe I can find a real writing utensil... score! I had one in my pouch. duh. now what else was I going to say? oh yeah...

on the subject of how many entries I'm making all of the sudden and how long they are... I think partially it's due to so much going on that I don't want to lose and partially due to needing breaks from the sun and such and ... yeah. that and that.

I came back to the tent to relieve slafleur from duty, but he doesn't seem to need it so I may go out again soon. Water! Need Water! My bottle has been SO HOT it's been just shy of boiling -- rather nice, actually; nicer than warm water, like tea with less flavor, less nauseating than water that's just warm. of course, cold water would be a delicacy right now. fighting the urge to go spend money in center camp -- not what burning man is about!

My headache went away with sleep and I don't expect it to come back. I did my time acclimating, I hope. :) Oh.

I wanted to investigate desins for vehicles to KEEP DUST DOWN. There's got to be a way to "naturally" circulate the dust that gets kicked up and flow it around and slam it down... maybe to the side... sounds feasible...
2016, fenris + phoenix

(no subject)

I haven't moved. Ate, napped, brushed my teeth -- wondrous experience. If I can come next year, I definitely want to have a camp. Though I'm noticing my social tendencies seem amplified. I'm fine with providing others with something to do or gawk at or whatnot but I'm not good at participating in a more directmanner: person to person. I just don't have anything to chat about (I was going to say *talk* about, but I'm sprewing these words. Go fig. Ooh -- I had an idea for a simple story: The Playa Golem. Created with the blood, sweat, tears, semen, urine, hair of burners... it hunts down those who brought it to life and ... helps them? harms them? just freaks them out? or was it simply born of the playa? if so, what then? I hate having ideas and not knowing what to do with them. I was just about to spew out a ocuple poems. I suppose I can, sort through gibberish looking for gems...

...

it's a loto harder to write on paper than digitally. easier to think on paper, but then I need the power to move bits around, try four or five different things, delete, undelete... you know, computer stuff.

i want to go naked but I've still got the one big worry I've always had -- what if I get an erection? I was considering getting a body wash at the poly camp but had to reconsider -- took a nap instead.

One thing I've realized is that while I'm by myself I'm more productive, can finish my own projects, yadda; I really need someone else to share life with to actually go out and do stuff with. A single friend -- the more people, the more difficult it is to share the experience or even to decide on the experience. Of course, there are exceptions to this -- concurrences of context -- people, time, place ...

I really miss Amy.

...

It's really hard to name haikus: typically, the last line (though sometimes the first) is the key to the mystery and the most succinct way of describing the poem (other than "short") ... but you don't want to give it away in the title, but what can you do???

these entries seem to be getting longer and longer. Also did one sketch I'm a little happy with. Of course, it's only pseudorealism. My word? It's hard to describe what I do. Typically, it's meant to be more real than abstract, but more stylized than real: still trying to osmose an understanding of proportion and perspective.

Maybe what I should do is the gridding -- get the hand used to drawing the appropriate lines, even if the brain doesn't understad it. training wheels should make the exercise less frustrating.

It's only tuesday. I'm missing all the activities due to this or that: indecision, heat of the day, and some obligation to stay with the livejournal camp to help with the schtick. iceblink and insomnia made a run into reno to pick up more stuff. They've been gone all day (since 9am at least). slafleur has been sticking with the camp most loyally and I kinda feel bad that he's not getting out more. Though he said that this is more of a getaway for him than a go out and do things sort of thing. Which I understand intellectually. Blah. It's that whole seeing in others the things you consider flaws in yourself. I feel like I ought to go out, see everything, do everything (and in the process of that, the personally more difficult bit, interact with everyone) ... the day is cooling off. we'll see if I get up to any monstrosities tonight. I've been writing pretty much nonstop since I started this entry -- little pauses, a minute tops, for reflections and hand cramps and stuff -- it's 6:40 now. Not sure if I'm running out of steam or not.

I've had talks about thisthatortheother but I'm most comfortable around [Bad username: sl;afleur], whose name I just had to reask. :whoops: He seems industrial, nice, able, and quiet. As well as interesting. La la la. I bet you were wondering when I'd hit a "La la la". :)

I erally miss Amy. She would be making this so much more complete. With her I would have the extra impetus to go out and do stuff. I should also have contemplated my camping situation a little better: thought I could just crash in the main tent but I didn't realize that it would already be claimed. Silly me.

I need to stop sayng I miss Amy. I'm trying to open my head for grand thoughts (or anything more interesting than "I just brushed my teeth" -- which I did before writing this entry. damn it was good. happy teeth. I so need to see a dentist when I get home :( ) and that fills the void most easily. I write it down to dispel it or use it as a stepping stone to more interesting thoughts, but I feel like I'm whining. I hope she had a good second day of school and such. It would be so much better if I could simply call her on the phone. Truly? Maybe not. That would just exacerbate the situation. la la la. By not having my own minicamp I have no privacy. That's an interesting experiment; I expect I'll come up with solutions for later. I think I'll need to, but things tend to fall into place at the last possible moment. The hard part is they fall apart so completely until then. Bleah. iceblink says she has a spare tent, though I don't want to impose. I expect that they'd rather have me impose by using their spare than by crashing in the big one. I wish I just had a less intrusive solution.

I really want to write a story. The golem idea seems to be less gelled in my head than I had thought. Are there any other takers? It would be SO nice to have access to my novel outlines, but oh well. I actually heartell of an internet connection somewhere. but. I don't know. La la la. :)

I'll cut this off now and brainstorm. :) Seven oclock now. Sun's still up, but barely.
2016, fenris + phoenix

(no subject)

the observer cannot participate. my camera weighs me dow and keeps me from dancing. but my dancing has been stale lately ... so maybe I'm hiding behind the camera. Also, my notes are weighing me down -- the pouch I carry my passport, map, and events book in. and my glasses. but if I go without everything (my hat, too) then I ... won't find as much as I could otherwise. except I'm doing nothing. not participating. scheisse. now I'm using the excuse of waiting for birthday girl to show back up so we can hold her party. CAKE! when? are people giving up on it? no... but... gah.

I want my partner to be here -- there is so much to do that requires partners. Though most of what I'm more immediately thinking of involves sex-ish group stuff which I don't think Amy and I would do. But it would be so wonderful to have some ONE (amy) to enjoy the playa with.

bored. sad. lonely. I could stare at the wall but would I enjoy it? la la la.
2016, fenris + phoenix

(no subject)

... I see beauty -- two men reading secrets told to the world, exploring the context ...

some dude is drawing a profile me in a journal. Ah, damn. I probably look like a dork with my mouth open. just shut it. He hasn't started sketching yet. Or he did while I was writing that. My hand is scratching across the page. la la la. Not focusing on stuff, just moving my hand and examining my hand. words sentences strainging past hoping to finish the thought by the time I've lost it. Trying to dinish thought by the column wow -- my words lost in the thoughts of time. red pen red pen. nail polish, tingling in the center of my bones in my hand. my mouth keeps slacking and I keep twitching. what in the hell was I going to say when I thought "going to say" -- kept that thought, foot twitched playa dust conversation around me -- why is aids no longer so immediate? rates are back up to where they were at the very begining. la la la la. la la la la. la la la la. whodee hodee who. I can deal with depression. I don't want to live without my arm.

Guy's still drawing me, wonder how much longer. I hope I'm not moving too much. Now we're talking ... something, they moved on after I started thinking lost it. what hand moving? retirement. I keep twitching.

Now someone's staring at me or at the picture -- can't tell. Shade structure broke today -- that's birthday girl! la la la. where did I move into cursive? [back with the la la la la's, apparently] and that's I think where I later noticed uh... keep losing the trains of thought cyclical nature of writing due to finities still going, going, going ... I'm deathly curious. wheeee! now, lovely paranoid ABSURD thoughts pounding on my fear buttons, without expectation pen moving on, is the ink going to run out on me? What's happening? I'd like to get some birthday cake soon.

There's a touch of vodka in the watermelon. Is that aryx talking? did he just show up? can't be him then, thought aryx got here much ealier than that. My hand is moving in enormous arcs. biscep feeling utterly tingling can't handle the swinging pendulum this far down the page. la la la. last line on this page, his hand is flattening, my hand is like ...