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close to tears

and I have to blame it somewhat on the erratic sleep. I planned on still being asleep right now, and that has me ... displaced. I shouldn't be here. I don't want to be here. I don't think I can sleep. I think I'm rather awake. But everything feels wrong.

I woke up to two phone calls (one cell, one land) [[neither of which I answered, both of which left messages]]. When I got around to listening things (Took about five minutes to convince myself I needed to listen to them, though I didn't want to), I found out that the rental insurance folks, or someone they subcontract to, works on a sunday evening. All calls were from them, including one message on the land machine from friday. So they _did_ call ((they were supposed to call me thursday or friday; hmm.)).

Talking with the person, it looks like a) I'm not on the policy and b) so none of my shit is covered.

I feel down and kicked. And kicked and down. Maybe now the theft is hitting harder, when my shock has already worn off? In the first state of shock, I didn't realize all at once what had been stolen, then didn't realize how much it was all worth [[retail ~ $1900 !?]], and by the time I did I already had this imagined safety net of renter's insurance. Everything was pushed away.

Fucking fuck.

It's just money. And memory. And all those sorts of things. But I'd already been imagining where the, say, grand in recompense was going to go. Fucking chickens and their fucking not hatching.

I'm not dealing with this well, and dev.imaginaries.org is blurring to my eyes and fingers; I've been there all fucking weekend. Kinda hard to believe.

If only tears made things all better. :) La.

Fuck!

I can't believe how much this is bothering me right now.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
shamaneyes
Jul. 18th, 2004 10:44 pm (UTC)
Hey
Don't know what to say, but I see you.

Mack
zzinnia
Jul. 19th, 2004 12:06 am (UTC)
one
:::hugs:::

sorry, k. so sorry. sometimes, things just suck big fat hairy ass.

:::hugs:::
zzinnia
Jul. 19th, 2004 12:08 am (UTC)
two
:::hugs:::

and now, brace yourself for me talking out my ass, or, the world according to sue:

It's just money. And memory.

and although they took the physical reminders, these are still yours--even without your drawings and notes and favorite familiar things. to get all philosophical on your, all physical possessions carry spiritual weight; maybe the universe took a load off so you'd have a lighter step or room to carry around something you need more? perhaps some of the thoughts, the drawings, were things that had too much psychological weight, and you've been relieved of it so that you might recognize the opportunity for the new, and when it bumps into you, it won't spill things or dislodge them, because you've now a place to embrace it, take it with you?

still, so sorry, k. it just sucks to be violated like that.

:::hugs:::
kaolinfire
Jul. 19th, 2004 08:52 am (UTC)
Re: two
maybe the universe took a load off so you'd have a lighter step or room to carry around something you need more?

Don't know how I feel about this.

Really.

I had the thought pretty much while realizing what exactly what was gone.

Amy had the thought a few days later.

Meh.

Story I'm co-working on has stalled pending input from the co-writer. Hoping he'll bring it through. The ending as it stands is "these people fight, then these people fight, then these people fight", and that's just not amenable to scenedescs.
thykarmabenill
Jul. 20th, 2004 08:31 pm (UTC)
wow that really sucks. I'm sorry.
kakubeki
Jul. 21st, 2004 12:44 pm (UTC)
wow
Wow - haven't checked your blog in a while, very sorry to hear about the theft and the loss - I'm at a loss for words.

I'm going to see details now. Christ.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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