birth, fenris, 2013

feedback loops

Ah, feedback loops. I was kind of out of sorts, yesterday, and for some reason had a lot of diet coke (to try to feel better, though I "knew" it wouldn't help ... I *wanted* it to).

But diet coke hits me weirdly compared to coffee. I don't feel more alert/energized, but hours later I'm not able to go to sleep (what happens to other people with coffee?).

I ... tried relaxing, zoning out, ... took a bath. It was kind of nice, but I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night. And icing on the cake, my nightmares when I did get to sleep revolved around not getting enough sleep (less than I actually got).

Today...I feel moderately rested, but I can tell that my thoughts are ... quieter, muddy, and my emotional reactions are ... louder and noisier.

Also: WOW. That photo is from 2013. It's now 2016. That's only 3 years, but that little squiggle in the photo can REASON VERBALLY.
birth, fenris, 2013

What would I say?

What would I say, if I were here?

It's 2014, almost 2015—though on and off this year, I've been sure it was 2015. Something about that number. Next year, I'll probably be second-guessing myself about it just because of how sure I've been at times this year.

I bought a house in Berkeley. Spent a good chunk of the first half of the year fixing it up (with much (MUCH MUCH) help from a friend-electrician who knew housing codes and all around handy-stuffs). Started a new job April 1st.

Haven't written much of anything. Haven't coded much of anything. Haven't...done...much of anything, outside of helping raise Fenris for coming on 21 months. Which is, alternately and sometimes together, mentally and physically exhausting. Wonderful, of course, but I'm used to having "little" projects I can show off, call done, move on. Hoping he'll be a programmer, at least as a hobby, at least to humor his old man, so we have something to do together early on. Meanwhile, I'm going to have to get better at throwing and catching. (I /have/ been learning to juggle for the last couple years, although I haven't gotten past "3 objects").

Socially migrated from Twitter to Facebook, mostly (lots of videos of Fenris). And just a tiny bit more interaction, stuff hangs around longer, more comments... just where things are.

So I'm probably not really here.
birth, fenris, 2013

a list of games....

A friend recently asked for a list of all the games I have available. And I'd made most of this list up a week ago, for someone else, and figured, hey, one more place to put it. Because if you love Tetris and haven't played Falling Up, you're really, really missing out. ;)

This list is not complete; it doesn't include DOOR game plugins I did a long time ago; nor a few half-done things that I released prematurely and haven't gone back to; nor things I lost long ago on other systems; nor that one java game I made for phones before there were smart phones; nor, well, yeah....

PC/OS X/Linux:


Flash games:
birth, fenris, 2013


Spent a whirlwind week in Berlin with Amy and Fenris. Amy was presenting a poster at the Cog Sci conference.

Things I've learned about berlin:

  • largest city I've seen that's so pro-bicycle; so many cyclists, so many bike rentals, so many bikes locked up everywhere

  • omg cobblestones everywhere! not the major streets, but definitely the minor ones, and sidewalks, and...

  • brick, brick, brick - all sorts of brick buildings, and so many variations on types and sizes and arrangements and textures and ....

  • so many huge, old buildings; so many grand buildings with statues atop them; statues with lightning rods embedded, I think...?

  • lots of awesome new buildings as well

  • smokers. wow. haven't been around this many smokers since LARPing.

  • bidets!? maybe that was just our hotel.

  • many folks did not want to leave East Germany-due in part to their friends and family being there

  • East Germany dispatriated a large number of its populace, in many cases as opposed to jailing them

There was probably a lot more that I learned in various ways. I think the above list was mostly put together the first two days we were there, and then it all got away from me....  
birth, fenris, 2013

On experiments...

Maybe starting to get the introspection bug a little—but really still don't have the time for it (or even more so don't have the time for it). Saw one of the few (or only?) photos of my dad's childhood; thinking about his history, and mine, and history in general (personal histories).... I blame Fenris, of course. ;) :) For both the lack of time, and the interest in it.

I've been thinking about science experiments. Work has me in a bit of an academic mode (I'm [co-]writing a paper!), but I don't think that's it so much.

But I've never been happy with the school science experiments I did. I only remember two (although I'm pretty sure I also did the volcano baking soda "experiment" in 3rd grade).

The first was a bicycle with a generator on it, making a light bulb go. I don't think there was really any pretense at experimentation, more of a "this is power generation, cool!". Looking back, some pretense on science could have much power is lost in this process? Measuring lumens and effort some how.... putting a generator to run the bike, to run the generator, to light the lamp, ... dunno. That's not where my thinking is right now.

The second was growing yeast, measuring output by balloons on the ends of bottles. I don't remember what all I grew, or what the results were...but it was a little closer to science. More interesting might have been trying to estimate the amount of sugar in various products...admittedly it would be wrong due to other factors inhibiting growth...hmm, these days it would have been interesting to throw in all the sugar substitutes as well....still not really where my head is.

So I've had two ideas, maybe, for science experiments. (I know, there are books and books of these!)

1) tin can conduction. use a speaker and a mic and test sound propagation over a cross section of wires and tautness.

2) experimental error. do the old "gravity is how much" test, with a handful of objects (ideally with little to no air resistance as that's a different, more complicated? experiment). Repeat each drop 20 times, from different heights (such that the objects have much higher velocities, such that their exact drop times and velocities are more sensitive to measurement error), and see how those errors propagate to calculations of gravity.

What's the coolest science project you did growing up? How would you do it differently "now"?
birth, fenris, 2013

who wants to write this?

"A wakeup call for budding sociopaths" or "bitter red pills for the resistant"—

Okay, start here if you haven't: RT @evilrooster: Theory: PUA/Game is not seduction. It's victim selection: filter for women whose boundaries you can violate.

Now, hear me out...or tell me this exists...or something. Kickstarter? ;)

I think a book deconstructing "the game" from the above angle would be +++!

I'm imagining something along the lines of..."a wakeup call for budding sociopaths". Crossed with a crib sheet of "bitter red pills for the resistant". Basically going through it, and saying, "look, people do this, and this is why it's fucked up; this is what it means you're saying, even if you're otherwise privileged enough to not know it; or if you've only gotten a hint that you're saying that, but think you can pretend you're, really, you are—you're saying that and you're thinking that, even if you haven't admitted it to yourself."

Admittedly, the research involved would be soul-crushing/rage-inducing/...and probably beyond me [and rape and death threats that would be directed towards anyone on such a project]. I don't know if anyone in the world has enough spoons—but together?
birth, fenris, 2013

A game I play... sad to admit.

A game I play... sad to admit. It's like Diplomacy or Risk mixed with Farmville or something. "Crazy Tribes". Anywho, I was curious as to the various efficacies of the various troops. I'd been meaning to put this into a spreadsheet for months, and I finally...did. Crazy Tribes Troop Efficacy.

This breakdown ignores the rock/paper/scissors nature of artillery/infantry/cavalry, and also ignores the fact that you can only support so many troops in a base (so once you hit your limit, it's worth buying less cost-efficient troops that are more food-efficient).

In the short game, though, I was a little surprised given the caveats above how stand-out the choices were. If you want to build offense quickly, bikers are the way to go. If you want to build defense quickly, gunners or knockers are equivalent (with gunners being half-again more costly).

If you're strapped for resources, then your best offense is scouts, while your best defense is knockers.

This is a pretty superficial inspection of the data. What would you get out of it? Any thoughts on how to best divide the separate "artillery", "infantry", "cavalry" overlap for both offense and defense?
birth, fenris, 2013

Stay-at-home whatness


How do you do it?! Now that I'm going back to work, Amy Fire doesn't get a break! I mean, even with me doing breakfast, lunch, dinner, assorted snacks and cleaning and bathing, and trying to pitch in around feeding, she doesn't get a breather.

It was insane for the two of us doing it the first two weeks, with me doing all the diaper changes and swaddling and crooning and bouncing, and now she has to pick up my slack.

Is the answer just to "power through" the next few weeks, and then the next couple months?
artsy, 2011

A year of poetry and fiction....

It doesn't feel like much (I haven't been writing, mostly), and I've not been submitting like I need to, but somehow I managed to succeed with a few pieces this year. :)

poetry publications

The Truth of Television Show CancellationsEvery Day Poets, 2012-09-24
Illuminating the Core TextEvery Day Poets, 2012-05-07
deconstructing the mind's eyeEvery Day Poets, 2012-04-24
Age Walks BehindEvery Day Poets, 2012-03-06

fiction publications

Sad Pandas mdash; Eschatology - 2012-12-26
* dotcom geek spy thriller &mdash Skive Magazine June 2012
2016, fenris + phoenix

server failure, server upgrade

server failure, server upgrade, round and round it goes...

I think that one lasted almost exactly two years. Maybe two and, wait, because it was migrated a while back, ... no, I don't know if the hardware changed.

Going from FreeBSD (32bit!?) to Ubuntu x64.

The hard drive didn't actually fail, but the power supply did, and then who knows what wouldn't stay up for more than a few minutes.

I've had to jump through some hoops to get things going. Installing kmod-ufs to mount it on a _third_ server, rsyncing things over (and checking out my backup process in the...process...and seeing that it's lacking somewhat, though still miles better than it was!)

Today's biggest hurdle so far has been postgresql.

This Ubuntu comes with Postgresql 9.1. I was on 9.0. Postgresql is practically ANTI-compatible with any semi-major version. So I install 9.0 side-by-side from the go. Oh, hey, I must have been running 32bit FreeBSD. 32bit postgresql! So I cross-compile postgresql 9.0 (win!) (except!) The magic upgrade still doesn't work. So I do a dump and restore...and still failure, because a very misguided youthful me did plpgsql functions in there, and the dump hardcoded the path to the associated .so... so I have to go through the dump and replace all those.

Okay, I think it might be good now. And I could go on. But it's 5am, and I'm feeling pretty good, and that's a danger sign with these things.... ;)

Yeah, it's 5am. And my server is now on eastern time. Okay. It probably was before. Or was supposed to be. Don't care. It can stay there.

Oh, hey, and more magic was necessary. Problems with blob ownership in postgresql. of course.

do $$
declare r record;
for r in select loid from pg_catalog.pg_largeobject loop
execute 'ALTER LARGE OBJECT ' || r.loid || ' OWNER TO owners_username';
end loop;