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#5minutefiction


It was the look in your father’s eyes that finally convinced me. Not that you were homely, or that the dowry was lacking—but I saw he was offering you out of love, not hate.

I’m not sure you could recognize that at the time; you wanted to, that was plain in your face, even under your tears, but there’s only so much a young heart can process.

But the ones that come from love have a much richer taste, are much more trusting and malleable. I try not to abuse that trust, and I like to think that’s why they still come to me. I take the beds price and put it back into the community, making sure your father and sisters prosper; making sure your son is provided for. And you let me live on; in spirit and in flesh. And I let you out, every so many years: unlock that little door in your head, so you can see and speak without me as a filter, when you visit your father, your sisters, your son.

Just remember what they’ve done for you; and you for them. Love them, but come back when you’re done. Because there always others we must save from the mores of your society; until it grows up.


Open to any thoughts on what I might be able to do with this. :)

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
shweta_narayan
Aug. 19th, 2011 12:00 am (UTC)
There's plenty ou might be able to do with this, but I would suggest trunking it, because it is faily as fuck :(
kaolinfire
Aug. 19th, 2011 12:41 am (UTC)
Hehehe. Thanks. :)
shweta_narayan
Aug. 19th, 2011 01:33 am (UTC)
Sorry for bad news there :/ But, yeah.

Though it's no big deal IMO if flash tosses out problematic stuff, it's nearly inevitable that it'll happen sometimes, if you're doing flash right (both quickly and poking at stuff) since often the first nearly-conscious layer we all have access to is a highly-socialized one, and our societies are all fail, sigh.
kaolinfire
Aug. 19th, 2011 02:49 am (UTC)
Yeah. It came out both handwavy and generic. But hey, that's what 5minutefiction's about. like flash on crack. ;)

Hope your writing is going much better than that! I have a few hour-long flash pieces that I think I can do better things to.
shweta_narayan
Aug. 19th, 2011 02:58 am (UTC)
My writing might go somewhere if I had a brain! I have a fully-plotted story I need to just *write* and that's been the case for 4 months now :/
kaolinfire
Aug. 19th, 2011 03:01 am (UTC)
*hugs* I can't remember the last time I had a fully plotted story.

No, I take that back; Michael and I have one we're supposed to be working on. And we started it maybe that long ago, maybe longer. :heh: Maybe next week... I know how it is to have something and not do it (or not be able to do it due to various things). Life...is very uncool, sometimes.

Good luck! =/
shweta_narayan
Aug. 19th, 2011 03:07 am (UTC)
g'luck with it, and yeah, I sort of want a refund on the last few years.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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